Meaning Unto Despair
by WesDunne
Summary: Tragedy begets despair, and despair begets madness. Naruto is dead, and the delicate world within which Hinata lives abruptly shatters. Caught between crippling sorrow and the spark of insanity, she makes a desperate decision. With the fragile hope of bringing Naruto back, she follows Sasuke into Orochimaru's hell.
1. Numb

**Chapter 1 – Numb**

The last rays of sunlight filtered through the nearby trees and spread over Konoha like long golden fingers, ready to close into the warm embrace of a summer night. Villagers bustled this way and that, hurrying to finish their shopping during these final few twilight hours, though foot traffic had long since dwindled so that only a handful remained outdoors. To Hinata's eyes there seemed to be a scarcity of people even for this time of day, though she supposed that this was the eastern end of the market; most residences were made away from the main gates, and not many people found reason to approach the broad entryway in the first place. But she wanted to stop by, if only to glimpse down the long stretch of road leading away from the village. Naruto had left through those gates several weeks before on his way to Wave Country, and the silly notion that she might be lucky enough see him return couldn't easily be ignored.

One or two passersby recognized her eyes and offered deep bows, which she could only respond to with a hasty inclination while trying not to drop any shopping bags or let her embarrassed flush show. No one outside of the Hyūga knew that she wasn't worth offering that measure of respect, but it would be unforgivably rude to not return the gesture in kind. The only thing of note that she had ever accomplished was the C-rank mission that Team Eight had returned from the day before, and even that success had been mainly the results of Shino's planning and Kiba's quick reflexes. Hinata had only kept watch and tried not to be in the way while they had dealt with the highwaymen. No, she didn't deserve the villagers' respect, but she had some infinitesimally small hope that one day she might. Only through watching Naruto had she been able to garner that tiny amount of ambition. Maybe, just maybe she could gain a modicum of his confidence too – with enough time.

The hum of many voices met her ears before the final turn towards the gates, their collective voices projecting bitterness, distaste, and a touch of cold mirth here and there. Individually they were quiet, but discontent became loud with numbers. Hinata took to the main avenue, inquisitive gaze falling on a rather unusual scene. The gates of Konoha loomed above and beyond the guard station, which at present was surrounded by a dense crowd of onlookers, those in the back murmuring to those in front and trying to catch a glimpse of what lay ahead. She was far too small to see over the heads of the adults, but their hushed snippets of conversation carried much further than they likely intended, or perhaps they simply didn't care.

"Is that Kakashi's team there? Did he only pass two genin?"  
"Hush, Tetsu! Can't you see what happened?"  
"Never liked the troublemaker, but this . . .?"  
"Aye, 'e came to me shop some days ta look at me wares. Feel bad for treatin' 'im the way I did now."  
"What will the Sandaime think?"  
"Eh, good riddance I say."

The intermingling voices went on, but Hinata stopped listening. The cold vice of dread was closing on her throat, white-hot nausea dropping to the pit of her stomach. Kakashi's team had returned. There were only two genin with him, and the spectators were far from circumspect in their bittersweet expressions.

 _Naruto._

Never in her life had Hinata purposefully acted in a way that inconvenienced others, but now she rushed forward on legs that moved of their own accord. She pushed through the mass of bodies, forcing and wriggling past to the drum of frantic heartbeats, every breath loud in her own ears. It had to be some kind of cruel joke. It had to be. No, she was probably taking things out of context and overreacting. That must have been it. Naruto had always been there, and his confidence and conviction had made it seem that he always would be. He would be. He had to be.

Hinata stumbled free from the crowd, taking several steps to maintain balance and right herself. There was the guard station, with Izumo and Kotetsu standing vigil as always, the former just completing a hand seal and vanishing with a Body Flicker. His companion stayed behind, hosting a dark expression and speaking in undertones to Kakashi, who looked nothing like his usual aloof self.

The battle-worn jōnin leaned heavily on a crutch, left leg bandaged in a haphazard weave. His forehead protector was missing, and the upper half of his ever-present mask had been torn, revealing a rough packing of gauze along his jawline with a thin line of blood showing through. Dark circles emphasized deep-set eyes, indicative of too little sleep over too many nights, the closed left that housed his Sharingan twitching beneath its eyelid. The rest of him looked no better, a myriad of ripped clothing and shallow cuts. A long wooden box rested on his left shoulder, a curious afterthought in light of the two genin standing beside him.

Sasuke stood just behind the man, his usual apathy replaced with a dark, hollow stare at nothing in particular. His right arm sported bandages from wrist to shoulder and required the support of a hastily-crafted sling. The rest of him appeared largely unharmed. Sakura as well had little in the way of injuries, only supporting a bruise here or there, but her vacant expression spoke of far worse trauma than just the physical. She stood as a girl lost, trapped in a daze and shivering uncontrollably despite the balmy dusk setting in. Truly enviable facial features, ones usually so carefully kept were now almost hidden beneath many days' worth of unwashed grime. The only signs of washing were the crooked trails of tearstains going every which way across her face, cried and covered more times than any kind soul would care to guess.

Naruto was nowhere to be seen.

"Where . . .?" Hinata started, voice catching in her throat as Sasuke's eyes shifted to hers for the first time. A pair of Sharingan dared her to continue before reverting back to an innocuous spot in the dirt underfoot. But she had to know. "Wh-Where is . . . Is Naruto here?" Sasuke said nothing, his expression devoid of anything but simmering anger. Hinata looked to Sakura then, desperate for a response, but the other girl seemed incapable of reciprocating. Her expression remained unchanged, but tears began spilling down her dirtied cheeks all the same, knuckles turning white as she hugged herself harder still, quavering uncontrollably.

"K-Kakashi-sensei?" Hinata pleaded, her own knuckles white from gripping the hem of her haori. She couldn't remember dropping her shopping bags, their contents now spilled across the ground, but it didn't matter. The whole of her existence seemed to hinge on Kakashi as he half-turned towards her, that one tired eye more severe and dim than she had ever seen. He took a moment that stretched far longer than it should have, blinking once as if realizing who she was before that sunken visage sank even further. He turned back to Kotetsu, but not before speaking in a hoarse near-whisper that she barely caught.

"Naruto was killed in the line of duty. I'm sorry, Hinata."

Those words failed to process right away. Each of them made sense individually, but not when put together in such a way. Kakashi said something else, but she didn't hear. A little voice told her that it wouldn't matter anyway. What would matter now?

 _Naruto was killed in the line of duty. I'm sorry, Hinata.  
_ _Naruto was killed in the line of duty.  
_ _Naruto was killed.  
_ _Naruto.  
_ _Naruto.  
_ _Naruto . . .?_

Reality came crashing down as the sky bent and fell. No, the sky hadn't fallen – she had, to her knees, still staring at Kakashi. He had a box on his shoulder, one that had seemed odd but not worth questioning in the light of so many other panicked thoughts and tragic details. It was a goodly-sized box, over twice its width in length. Just big enough for a small person to fit comfortably inside. Just big enough.

It wasn't a box. It was a coffin – Naruto's coffin.

Kakashi and the surviving members of Team Seven moved past eventually, the onlookers shuffling aside to give them plenty of room to make their slow way up the long, desolate road towards the Hokage's tower. The townsfolk eventually dispersed completely, leaving behind only the memory of their callous remarks and insincere remorse. Darkness fell, the streets emptied, but Hinata couldn't move, nor could she feel the passage of time. Surely this was merely a nightmare, or perhaps one of those awful genjutsu that Kurenai had demonstrated. Surely, surely Naruto couldn't be . . .

The gate stood ominously in the beginnings of night, catching the pale light of a rising gibbous moon. Hinata could only stare, trapped reliving the same moment from three weeks before. Naruto had swaggered through that gate, grinning from ear to ear and brimming with enthusiasm at being given his first C-rank mission. Every strutting step had been sure and steady, full of the same bravery and self-assurance that she had always admired.

But never again.

Memories flitted across her mind's eye. Naruto coming to her rescue when they were very young, fighting off bullies that had been teasing her. Again a similar scenario years later. Watching him train, curse the sky, the earth, himself, and then getting back up again. Naruto being ridiculed, beaten, outcast, talked down to, hated. And yet he, who lacked any family or acknowledgement from anyone – who had been pushed aside and trampled on as long as she could remember – he always did what he felt was right no matter the consequences. Without knowing anything about her, that incredible boy had done what nobody else had before: he had said with his actions that she could be worth something. He had followed his way of the ninja within a sea of adversity, never wavering.

But never again.

A cloud obscured the moon, plunging her into true darkness. Hinata clutched her head, felt tears falling, knew that there was an ache unlike anything she had ever experienced deep inside, but moving was beyond her. Thoughts failed to form. Emotions that should have been stirring, thrashing, tearing at her never surfaced. It was a numbness so deep that she felt insulated from all the world. The sole light in her life had been snuffed out. What was there left to feel in such a world?

 _Nothing._

Somebody took her by the shoulders and began guiding her away, but it only registered vaguely, as if it were happening to someone else. Her wide, unblinking eyes could only see that gate no matter which way she was made to turn – the gate, and a small coffin.

Every sensation faded to unimportance. Blackness befell her so completely that she vaguely hoped that the void had taken her away as well. Consciousness receded like a long exhalation, leaving behind only one thought to dwell upon as she faded from existence.

Naruto was gone, and he was never coming back.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Heya folks.

Trying to develop a few literary skills through this story, and the fanfiction world could always use a bit more tragedy. Going for shorter chapters and a definitive conclusion within 50-100k words, so we'll see if I can do it. Most likely going to leave out author's notes as well and just write the story, but I will keep track of my writing progress on my profile below the CFKD section.

See you next time~

\- Wes


	2. Revivify

**Chapter 2 – Revivify**

Days became weeks, then becoming months with no perceivable passage of time. Tears had long since dried up; it was difficult to cry when it was difficult to feel. Hinata drifted through life mechanically, hardly sleeping, barely eating, and putting only enough effort into missions and training to stave off questions. Running missions and increasing strength meant little with nothing left to strive towards. She found herself thrust back into early childhood, a time before Naruto – a time before his very existence had saved and inspired her to become a better person. But now it only felt as if she were walking around in someone else's body, unaffected by an outside world that felt so far removed from where she lay in this cheap state of being.

No one seemed to understand, and Hinata had no desire to explain even if she could have found the right words to do so. Before meeting Naruto she had been lost, a feeble coward afraid to confront her own lack of potential. As the ordained Hyūga heiress by birthright alone, she had spent her early life disappointing her father and the clan at large. She had known even then that the strength and grace with which to lead a proud clan were beyond the reach of her small hands. She had seen the hope in her father's eyes as Hanabi had grown from infancy, a hope replaced by contempt when those same eyes then turned upon Hinata.

But Naruto had drawn her out of the depths of misery and loneliness. He had rescued her from her own weakness in forever standing by his principles. He had always rejected the prejudices of the world, sparking in her an inspiration that she hadn't known existed. Watching him train so diligently had provided her the strength needed to stand every time she had been knocked down by her father for the sake of training. Seeing his warm smile had always served to thaw the cold hopelessness creeping in. Ultimately, Naruto's constant optimism and resolve had given Hinata the fortitude to withstand anything – even the emotional blow of her title being stripped and given to Hanabi. He had likely never known it, but just by persevering Naruto had given her the courage to struggle ever onward, working towards her own Ninja Way by tentatively tracing his footsteps.

But never again.

Once or twice she entertained the thought of simply giving up the façade, of abandoning the pretexts necessary to keep on living as a meaningless shell of herself. One or two deep incisions with a kunai would be most efficient. Her father had made the study of anatomy one of the pillars necessary to learn jūken, and so she knew all of the proper places that would end it quickly, almost painlessly. What good was she like this anyway? Shown to be weak in spirit and weaker still in combat, she was little more than a gifted civilian. No, she was less than even that: she was a failed shinobi, and a greater shame still as a member of the esteemed Hyūga clan. Continuing on like this would be an insult to Konoha, to her clan, to herself, and to Naruto.

 _Naruto._

Naruto always pulled her back from such thoughts, however ridiculous it felt. He was gone, after all – gone for good. But the thought of what he might think of her caused a decidedly uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach, like nausea mixed with apoplexy. It was a weakness – a pitiful excuse, even. He had hardly known she existed. Clinging to his memory like a fool would only do more harm than good, but his memory was all she had left. Even in death, Naruto did for her what she could not do for herself.

Now and then Hinata would catch sight of Sasuke or Sakura, both of whom had mostly returned to their previous selves, though the lines of trauma still pulled at the corners of their eyes. Oftentimes they were accompanied by another genin that Hinata didn't recognize, but after a while it became known through the village that the girl was Naruto's replacement on Team Seven. It felt terribly _wrong_ that they could move on so quickly, that the passing away of a close comrade could be so easily forgotten. But, Hinata supposed, that was what made her unfit to be a ninja. Emotions were flaws to be exploited by enemies. It felt like something of a cruel joke that now, after all feeling had fled from her, she had lost the drive to become a kunoichi.

Kakashi was another matter. According to village gossip, he had nearly been stripped of his rank and then bound to Konoha, unable to leave without permission from the Hokage. Hinata wasn't entirely sure why; genin died occasionally as a matter of course. Accidents happened, after all, and often the worst that befell an instructor was a brief admonishment and the assignment of a new member. Kakashi's treatment was very unusual, and there were whisperings here and there about him losing a 'valuable asset' to the village, but that made little sense to her. Naruto had been almost universally reviled and practically disowned by the villagers. Had there been more to him than what she knew, then?

 _Of course there had been. I never knew him. I never will._

Once, Hinata happened across Sasuke while the boy was in the midst of training, alone during a foggy morning which no one had any business being out in. It was more night than day still, but insomnia and eventually giving up on sleep had brought her on a long and aimless walk to the Third Training Ground. There she found him, striking ruthlessly at the center post in a set of three, splintering wood and sending flecks of blood to intermingle with a freshly-formed dew. He wove blasts of fire between strikes on occasion, charring the post black and banishing the thick haze of mist immediately surrounding. What could be seen of his face was contorted into a rictus snarl. He practiced with an ill-contained ferocity that would have frightened any reasonable person. Hinata, though, only activated her Byakugan and watched from nearby with detached curiosity, unnoticed.

Years of harsh training in her youth had developed a certain perceptivity to emotions, the ability to read the mindset behind the stiffness of one's shoulders or the finest twitch of the lips. Even chakra could give away hints as to someone's state of being. But she hadn't needed to look within Sasuke to see that everything about him roiled in a furious tempest. He wore rage like a mantle and spat bitter breaths from fire-cracked lips. To him that post seemed to represent everything in the world to be despised and destroyed.

He froze abruptly, finally noticing Hinata's presence behind him. Those red eyes half-turned towards her, burning with a feverish hate. He said nothing, only stared. In the past she might have gasped and shied away. In fact, any rational individual would have fled from such naked, contemptuous wrath. But Hinata only looked on, unblinking, unaffected. Then he was gone, whether by Body Flicker or some other means. She walked on, not dwelling on it. She dwelled on nothing these days.

It came as no real surprise that Kurenai recommended Hinata and her teammates for the chūnin exam some days – or had it been weeks? – after the incident with Sasuke. Team Eight had successfully completed a handful of C-rank missions in the previous weeks – months? – and all with perfect efficiency. Their instructor had pulled Hinata aside several times during and since, asking superfluous questions about how she was doing and why she had been acting so different lately. Kurenai claimed that Hinata was now colder and distant. It always felt as if someone else was speaking for her, assuring the woman that nothing was wrong and that she only wanted to be a better kunoichi. Shinobi were not meant to feel, after all. She was only striving towards an ideal, was she not? Yes, of course.

The first exam came and went without issue, a simple written test that was obviously meant to challenge their abilities with subversion. Hinata only had to worry a feigned headache with one hand, using her Byakugan to steal answers from one of the clearly planted chūnin in the room. There was no point to wondering about her teammates; some fool had decided to form a team entirely with reconnaissance specialists, and so their failure was highly improbable with so many tools at easy disposal.

They passed of course, as did a handful of others from the Leaf. A jōnin named Anko gave brief directions to the remaining examinees to congregate at the Forest of Death the next morning, and then they were released. Kurenai congratulated them and gave final instructions outside of the testing facility, and then Shino and Kiba invited Hinata to dinner for a celebration, but she declined without truly hearing. It was something of a ritual now: Team Eight finished a mission, Kurenai lavished minor praises, Kiba got the idea to revel in their success, Shino shrugged and went along, and Hinata declined and went home alone, ignoring the Inuzuka's mutterings in her wake. It was a comfortable and unremarkable interaction now.

Hinata lay awake staring at the spackled ceiling as she usually did, long hours passing as mere blinks. She idly wondered, as she usually did, if there was a point to getting up the next morning. And then she decided, as she usually did, that trying to find meaning in doing anything at all was an empty pursuit. Waking, pretending, and not sleeping in an unending cycle were the only things she knew how to do. It felt as if a part of her awaited something, but that part refused to let the rest of her in on the secret.

And so she slept – or didn't sleep – the rest of the night away, not even trying to understand. It was so much easier to simply let herself drift in this void which she had come to exist within, unconcerned even with the workings of her own psyche.

Some things were better left unexplored.

* * *

~§~

* * *

"Surprised Kakashi-sensei actually recommended them," Kiba remarked, breaking Hinata away from an uninspired reverie. She blinked once, then glanced in the appropriate direction. Team Seven was just arriving at the clearing nearby the Forest of Death, passing by the others who had already congregated outside of a small tent. The newest member and Sakura were making idle conversation in Sasuke's wake, who sauntered a pace ahead of his teammates with both flat black eyes focused forward. He exuded nonchalance, a bored superiority that had been his signature long before the mission to Wave Country. Sakura looked indistinguishable from the kunoichi who had left on that mission now, all excited chatter and lacking the grace of severity.

 _Completely moved on now. Unaffected._ Those thoughts came unbidden, but lacking the acerbity they should have held. As with everything, it was merely an observation. Yet . . .

There were minuscule, almost unnoticeable details surrounding Sasuke that belied his complete self-control. With both hands buried deep in his pockets, he almost succeeded in concealing the frayed edges of bandages wrapped about his wrists. There were nearly undetectable circles beneath his eyes as well, not unlike the ones beneath her own that she never cared enough to disguise. His clothes were far from dirty, but they hosted a particular pattern of wrinkles indicative of second-day wear without having been washed. All of these were small and insignificant individually, but could mean more when put together.

Or maybe they meant nothing. Maybe he was tired from running missions. Maybe he had forgotten to do laundry the day before. Maybe his intensive training regimen was for the sake of promotion and not some inner turmoil.

 _Maybe_.

In short order, just after eight o'clock, each team was called into the tent and given a scroll after signing a waiver releasing Konoha from any liability associated with their deaths. Hinata signed it without bothering to read the fine print, the same as Kiba, though she suspected his excuse fell closer to brazenness and further from her own indifference. It would be somewhat convenient to fall in the Forest of Death: she could die without being a burden to anyone.

Anko quickly ran through the rules of the exam, which amounted to little more than a seek-and-destroy mission to secure the scroll that one's team lacked before moving to a checkpoint. With several days with which to complete it, Hinata saw little challenge in the task, especially considering the number of plainly weak teams that had passed. Seeing others in such a way was novel to her, but it seemed to have come with the new emotional territory – or lack thereof.

"I will send my kikaichū to locate a suitable place to set up an ambush," stated Shino as soon as they were in place before one of the many starting gates. Already Hinata could see the tiny insects drifting away, filtering through the fence and disappearing into the dense woodland. Their chūnin proctor said nothing, and that silence could safely be interpreted as allowance.

"Were you watching to see which team received which scroll?" Kiba asked Hinata, rubbing a finger beneath his nose and scrunching his face as if smelling something unpleasant. She nodded, staring off into the trees. He grunted in response, folding both arms and sharing a glance with Akamaru, who gave a single high-pitched bark to communicate . . . whatever it was that the dog needed to say. "Yeah, probably a good idea," Kiba mused in reply. Hinata sometimes wondered if the Inuzuka simply hosted a hereditary mental illness that caused them to think that they could speak to dogs.

"Hinata-san should take point and relay important information to us," Shino continued. The fact that his expression and attire gave absolutely no hint towards a state of mind was inconvenient. "Her Byakugan will enable us to avoid undesirable situations and only seek out weaker teams with the Earth scroll. We will then be able to move directly to the central tower, thereafter utilizing the remaining days for recovery and preparation."

"That sounds . . . fine." Kiba scowled. As the self-appointed leader of their team, he didn't appreciate that Shino was always the one presenting rational plans. It suited Hinata just fine, however. All she had to do was follow directions.

"One minute," their guide said, raising an arm into the air and keeping an eye on the stopwatch in his other hand. Hinata activated her Byakugan, waiting, watching. After a minute that felt much longer than sixty seconds, the man dropped his arm. "Go!" The gate sprang open, and Team Eight flashed through.

* * *

"Gods Hinata," Kiba muttered several hours later, staring down at the unconscious genin that she had just defeated. "You didn't kill him, did you?"

"I struck his solar plexus and ruptured his pancreas," Hinata said flatly, mechanically. "The pain and sudden trauma caused an immediate loss of consciousness, but he isn't dead."

"He's a _Leaf genin_!"

"And our enemy." She ignored the boy's flabbergast and rifled through the fallen ninja's belt pouch, withdrawing the Earth scroll that had been their target. "It was the simplest and most effective way for me to incapacitate him. He will live for at least an hour, by which time I suspect a proctor will arrive to retrieve his team."

"It was an excessive use of force," remarked Shino, quiet as usual. "However efficient, it goes against what we were taught, and against your own nature."

"What do you know about my nature?" Hinata's tone should have been icy, but summoning that kind of frostiness was beyond her. Instead she only stared blankly at her teammates, not caring what they thought of her, not caring if they disliked her methods. The only matter of importance was completing the task at hand, then continuing to the next mission, and then the next, and the next. Getting through this exam was simply a chore to be completed. The here and now meant nothing.

"Whatever," Kiba grunted after several tense seconds, turning away. "Let's just get this over with and head for the tower. Which way is it?" Hinata nodded northward and tossed him the scroll, which he bobbled once before securing it in a pocket. "Just let me know if you see any other teams."

They took off into the trees again, taking to the high branches to avoid the obscenely overgrown insects and monstrous animals that rumbled along the forest floor. She was already covered in a crusting green filth and blood gained from their first encounter with a spider the size of a house, and it would have been inconvenient to run across anything else that needed squashing.

For a time all was eerily quiet, and for eight hundred meters in all directions she detected no signs of other teams with her Byakugan – none stirring, at least. They passed within a few dozen paces of a trio of presumably paralyzed genin, all contained inside of child-sized cocoons. She said nothing to her teammates, however; they would likely be in favor of rescuing the unfortunates regardless of village affiliation, thereby reducing their own odds of success, thereby proving themselves fools. This was a survival test, not a rescue mission. Failure to survive meant that those three didn't deserve to become chūnin. It was as simple as that.

And then something just at the edge of Hinata's enhanced vision caused her to stop on a high bough, her teammates halting on either side. Kiba whispered a question, but she waved for silence as she peered further north, focusing in on a peculiar scene.

It was Team Seven, or at least what remained of it. Sakura and the new girl were down, both lying still as death on a broad tree branch, though it seemed that they still lived. The corpse of a gargantuan snake was collapsed in a haphazard coil on the ground far below, half of its face a blackened, melted wreck. Sasuke alone stood hunched over slightly, one hand in a white-knuckled grip covering his neck as he faced a single genin from the Hidden Grass. The individual was fairly androgynous, alone, and completely unharmed from what Hinata could see. They just stood there, and they seemed to be . . . talking?

"Mask your chakra signatures, stay close, and stay silent. Team Seven is ahead and engaged with a team from the Grass. We may be able to gain information on them if we observe." Hinata gave the brief command and ghosted off in Sasuke's direction, turning a deaf ear to Kiba's objections. It was an opportunity to gauge their competition for the next phase of the exam, and circumventing to avoid them entirely could waste time. This would kill two or three birds with one stone if done properly.

They approached the site slowly, cautiously, keeping to the canopy above and abandoning the use of chakra altogether before getting too close. It made leaping between branches much more difficult, but the denseness of the overgrown trees played to their advantage. Before long they were nestled out of normal line of sight, Hinata peering through a solid branch to watch as the two genin below conversed. They hadn't moved at all during her team's approach.

". . . and you will need to get through this exam as if your life depended on it," the foreign shinobi was saying, for all the world looking like a cat playing with its prey. It even had the unnerving, elongated pupils to match. "You will have to defeat my subordinates to make it through this stage as well."

"What . . ." Sasuke groaned, falling to one knee. He was clearly in a tremendous amount of pain and struggling against passing out. "What the hell do you want from me, Orochimaru?!" That name was familiar, but Hinata couldn't place it immediately.

"Less than what I can offer you," the man replied mildly. "You seek power. You seek power enough to be able to kill your brother, something you know that I can provide." He began sinking into the branch as if it were moss-covered mud, smirking all the while. "I've been watching you these past months, Sasuke-kun. Your teammate's tragic death has affected you, hasn't it?"

"The fuck . . . do you know . . . about me?!" Sasuke ground out, falling to his knees and trying to spit venom at the man. "I am not . . .!"

"Of course you are, and I know a way to bring him back." Those words caused Sasuke's eyes to widen, and Hinata felt her own following suit. She didn't remember taking a breath, but she held it as if it were the last she might ever be allowed. "Consider my offer, and do not fail these exams. I have high hopes for you." Those snakelike eyes flicked upwards. It must have been Hinata's imagination, but they seemed to lock directly with her own for just an instant, and then he was gone. The ripples in the wood smoothed out, and even with the Byakugan Hinata saw no signs of Orochimaru at all. It was as if he had vanished completely.

"Oi, the hell was that?!" Kiba hissed, having heard but not seen what Hinata had. She didn't respond. She couldn't. All of her thoughts were fixated on those parting words.

" _I know a way to bring him back."_

Time seemed to compress all of a sudden as Hinata's mind lurched, like a great machine being cranked to life after years of disuse. Notions that had been locked away sprang forth in an unchecked tumult, ludicrous things like hope, excitement, anticipation, and _need_ above all else – a need to know if it truly was possible, and a need to find out by any means necessary. This complete stranger was strong enough to take on a whole team alone and come out unscathed –Sasuke's team, no less. Could there really be a way to bring Naruto back? Was a shinobi capable of such a feat? She had to do research. She needed to go to the library immediately, to interrogate the right people. She had to—

"Hinata, are you well?" Shino asked, interrupting her frenzied thought process. Hinata was jerked back to the present, keenly aware that she was breathing hard and staring wide-eyed at a bare stretch of wood. Her Byakugan had receded. A few of her nails had cracked from digging into the branch. Her pulse pounded in her own ears. And she was _smiling_. She could feel it splitting her face and knew it must have liked wild and unhinged from their point of view, but she didn't care. Kiba actually inched away slightly and glanced at Akamaru, who growled softly at Hinata. Shino only watched with his normal placidity, head tilted to one side to indicate curiosity.

"I am," she beamed, widening the already too-wide grin. "Better than ever." She needed to leave. There were things that needed confirming, things that needed her attention more than this pointless exam. "Let's go."

"You want to just leave them there?" Kiba demanded, shaking his head. "No way. Let's at least put them somewhere safe and out of sight."

"That's—" she began, but he cut her off, igniting an anger within her that she hadn't before experienced.

"That's what we're going to do, and the faster we do it then the faster we can go. So move." He made it sound like an order, and Shino was already moving to comply. Kiba stared at her, still leaning slightly away as if afraid to catch whatever had infected her, but still appearing resolute. She ground her teeth and spat an oath under her breath, then flickered down to where Sasuke lay now completely unconscious. If they were going to delay her, then the delay needed to be reduced as much as possible.

In short order they had stowed Team Seven away in a tree hollow and covered it with foliage, which would probably serve to protect them from unwanted guests until they recovered. Hinata led the way off immediately afterward, setting a breakneck pace towards the forest's center. She hardly payed attention to the various traps and illusions set up around the tower's perimeter, subconsciously taking a path that would avoid them and gunning for the goal itself. Everything felt inconsequential compared to her most recent revelations.

"Congratulations, Team Eight. You've passed the—" a chūnin began after they had entered a door and unraveled their pair of scrolls. It must have been some kind of summoning seal, but that was of no concern at the moment.

"Am I allowed to withdraw from the exam now?" Hinata inserted before the woman could finish speaking, causing her to blink in surprise for several seconds.

"What?!" Kiba exclaimed, right on top of Shino's, "Hinata, what are you saying?" She ignored them both.

"Ah, there might be preliminaries in a few days if there are too many who pass this stage, but those would be individual fights, and the rules permit dropping out without a team penalty. The final stage is the same, but . . ." The chūnin eyed Hinata up and down for a moment, considering. "You don't look injured or fatigued in any way."

"My reasons are personal," she replied shortly. "So I can leave now, correct?"

"I don't see why not, but there aren't any chūnin available to escort you out of the forest right now, and . . ." She trailed off as Hinata spun on her heel and made haste to leave the way they had entered. Kiba and Shino were calling after her, outrage evident in at least one of their voices, but she couldn't hear their protests. What did they matter? Had they not heard what that man had implied, that there might be a way to bring Naruto back? It was a thought that had never crossed her mind, but now it shone so brightly as to be impossible to ignore. Why hadn't she thought of it before? Why had she just given up so easily?

 _Naruto wouldn't have given up_. She ground her teeth, hating herself for being weak, for falling prey to apathy and defeatism. But now she had a new focus, a new task to put this newfound vigor into, a new goal to run towards.

And so she ran alone through a deadly forest to chase a madwoman's fantasy, watched all the while by a pair of sinister, glittering golden eyes.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

So I said that I probably wouldn't be adding notes, but this is a necessary exception.

Just wanted to thank fellow author JohannesSilentio for the editing work on this chapter; truly helped bring it together and was invaluable throughout the revision process, helping me in a way that will positively impact the story throughout. If you're looking for a new story to read, I highly recommend giving theirs a read; it's one of my new favorites.

'til next time.

\- Wes


	3. Defect

**Chapter 3 - Defect**

Hinata lurched awake, shivering beneath a sheen of cold sweat, swallowing the nausea burning the back of her throat. The world blurred into focus, its clarity threatened by the return of her nightmare's afterimages.

 _Just a dream. Just a dream._ She repeated that feeble mantra over and over, trying to tame frantic thoughts. She squeezed her aching eyes shut again, willing away the visions of Naruto's mangled corpse. This had been happening more frequently as of late, likely the result of weeks spent researching forbidden techniques involving the dead – that, and she had finally learned the details surrounding his death.

She stood slowly from a hard seat, toppling a haphazard stack of dusty scrolls. Old tomes, partial manuscripts, and enough loose sheets to fill a dozen books obscured the polished wooden tabletop. She stretched, wincing as her bones creaked beneath stiff muscles. How long had she been asleep? A nearby window revealed muted moonlight filtering through the stained glass. The library stood silent; it was far past civilian closing time, and well after any sensible shinobi would be using the facility.

 _Walk. Food._ The needs to move and eat registered only as vague nuisances, but needs all the same. Few places were open at this hour, but Hinata had been at this long enough to have discovered all the hidden corners of Konoha, especially the ones which catered to less scrupulous members of society.

Wooden legs guided her to one of her more frequent dives: a basement bar a few blocks from the library; some nights she would come multiple times between midnight and sunrise, if only to stay awake. At first the owner had allowed her in strictly due to her Hyūga heritage. She wasn't legally allowed to drink, but it was a place to order substandard food during odd hours. It was funny in an ironic, sad sort of way that she could be sent on life-threatening missions for the village, yet receive a hefty fine for a sip of sake.

"Saito! Couple of veggie buns and a soup!" the bartender called before Hinata had closed the door. The old Hinata would have smiled at the man's consideration, but all she could muster now was a nod before slipping into an empty stool at the deserted bar. The man – a retired chūnin with short-cropped salt and pepper hair and a sharp goatee – frowned in clear disapproval. "And a bottle of decent sake!" Hinata raised an eyebrow.

"I thought—" she began, cut off by a wave of his hand.

"For me. Tired of seeing you in here, kid." She nodded, halfway toward deciding not to come back when he sighed. "It's not like that, a'ight? Just think you could be doing better than wasting your time with that research and coming here in the middle of the night. You're the damn Hyūga heiress."

"Former heiress. My father chose my younger sister." He waved a hand again, clearly annoyed.

"Makes no difference. You're destined for great things if you put your mind to it."

"Who's to say what I'm doing isn't great?" she replied, feeling testy. This debate was comfortable, one they'd had a dozen times at least.

"I am, that's who. You really wanna get into this again?" He downed a shot of sake the moment it arrived, using one of Hinata's vegetable buns as a chaser. Her expression remained flat as she took one of the buns for herself and nibbled at a corner.

"I'm only here to eat – unless you want to pour me a glass this time."

"You know I can't do that."

"Who's going to report it? Your cook? There's no one else here."

"You know I won't do that," he amended.

"Miser."

"Brat."

Hinata finally cracked a smile, albeit a small one. The man guffawed now that their mock argument had come to an end, sliding a glass across the bar. As usual it contained only a finger of sake, but that was plenty to get her a decent buzz.

"Eat first," he cautioned as a matter of course, leaning forward on his elbows and watching to make sure she did so. He really was a considerate man. "So what're you looking into tonight? Did that lead with the Nidaime take you anywhere?"

"I'm still working on it," she said between spoonfuls of zenzai. "Some of it is classified at the jōnin level." He grunted, clearly looking for more details. She had kept the nature of her research private for obvious reasons, but he knew that she was looking into forbidden techniques. 'For an assignment,' she had told him weeks ago. Instructors often gave their students similar assignments so that genin could gain a better understanding of certain jutsu. It was believable enough, but this man was far from dull. He knew she wasn't being fully honest, but never pressed.

Nearly an hour passed before she stood, thoughts pleasantly muddled, though the bartender had made certain she hadn't received too much sake. Hinata thanked him and left enough ryō to cover twice the cost of the meal, as had become her habit, exiting without bothering to learn the man's name – again. The fewer people she became tied to the better.

She walked through the library's small park on the way back, in no real hurry to return. That would have been a waste of the pleasant warmth in her belly. A convenient bench caught her when she decided to sit, and then again when she decided that another short nap would be alright. It was a warm evening. It would be a waste not to use it.

Something caused Hinata to wake moments later. She blinked heavy eyelids open, looking around dully, not remembering where she was. Then she felt it, something crawling starting at the base of her spine and working its way rapidly to her skull. An invisible weight pressed down on her, choking her, preventing movement. An attempt to cry out proved useless; her voice had fled. Instinct called her Byakugan, but there was nothing to see. Only that pressure and crawling and fear imposing itself upon her from all directions, and from nowhere. In that moment it felt as if someone very close, someone very dangerously near was going to kill her.

And then it was gone as if it had never been. Hinata gasped and rolled from the bench into a crouch, gulping air and casting around in a panic. Still there was nothing. The park was empty. The surrounding homes held only sleeping occupants. The library hosted its two custodians and no one else. Hinata was alone.

"Just a dream. Just a dream." She mumbled the phrase several times on her way back into the library. No one was there. No one was watching. This hadn't happened several times a week since the Forest of Death. It was her imagination, just like Kurenai had said.

Somewhere in the night, a serpent slithered through a crack in the city walls.

* * *

~§~

* * *

Empty.

After so many weeks of research, interrogation and sleepless nights, Hinata had come up empty. The high she had felt after discovering there might be a way to bring Naruto back was gone, replaced by the same emptiness from before.

She had paid off librarians and even a jōnin to give her access to sealed archives. Nothing.

She had nearly been caught trying to steal the Scroll of Seals. Nothing.

She had broken into her own family's secret study. Nothing.

She had exhausted every rational course. It was time to consider a deal with the devil.

The Chūnin Exams had continued in her absence. There had been some controversy, she had learned from her pestering teammates, during the preliminaries when a genin from the Hidden Sand had come close to killing Sakura. But that was nothing compared to the finals.

"And then Sasuke just . . . killed him," Kiba had recounted one afternoon, shaking his head and staring at his own claws. "It happened so fast, but I heard some instructors talking about how he must have done it on purpose. I dunno."

Hinata hadn't been there to watch, of course, but she heard the story repeated several times after that. Sasuke had shown up to fight Gaara, the boy from Suna, and had literally taken his head off within the first ten seconds, dragging a hand filled with lighting across the other genin's neck. According to every witness, Sasuke's expression had remained blank all the while.

A few days later, reports began coming in from the Sand regarding their Kazekage, apparently murdered and impersonated by Orochimaru. That bit piqued Hinata's interest, and not because he had allegedly planned to use Gaara to head an invasion into Konoha. This was the same man who had confronted Sasuke in the Forest of Death. If he was powerful enough to kill a kage, then just maybe . . .

* * *

~§~

* * *

The night festered in a humidity brought on by an evening rain, the streets reflecting distorted images under the wan light of a full moon. Hot wind shifted down alleyways, sending loose trash scuttling about the cobblestones. Trees scraped together within patches of fog, their leaves laughing at anyone fool enough to be out on a night like this. It was far past midnight, and still too early for the light of day. As one folk tale told, this was the hour of lost souls.

Sasuke walked eastward, towards Konoha's main gates. His steps were silent and measured, unhurried. His small backpack looked to be filled only with the essentials: a change of clothes, a variety of ninja tools, and standard rations. There were bruises on his legs and arms, and more beneath his clothes, but they did not impair his movements. Hinata had seen when he had gained those injuries, observed as the four shinobi from Sound had assaulted him and subsequently departed. She had put together the implications. It was why she was here.

He stopped at the center of a dark pathway, turning to look directly at her. Those red eyes glinted in the faint light, boring into her like cold augers.

"Come out." His command was quiet, but one he expected to be followed. She had no reason to stay hidden, and every reason to do as he said. She ghosted down from her perch in a nearby tree, landing without a sound, straightening to meet his gaze without fear. "What do you want?"

"You're leaving," she replied in place of an answer. He paid her in kind.

"You've been watching me for weeks. Why?"

"I was there in the forest that day," she said simply. His expression finally changed, and he turned to face her more fully. He looked . . . suspicious.

"You were there when I came back from Wave, too. While I was training, before and during the exam, and then while I was fighting those four the other day." It was her turn to blink and give something away. She hadn't expected him to have noticed. "I'll ask one more time: why?" Hinata shrugged, but didn't look away.

"I loved Naruto." He mirrored her earlier blink and raised an eyebrow as if to ask, 'Are you fucking serious?' She shrugged again. "Not in that way; I hardly even knew him. But even if he didn't know it, he was my support. He was always there trying his hardest no matter what. When I was at my lowest, watching him strive for more filled me with hope and joy. I loved who he was and what he meant to me. When he came home in a casket, I . . ." She paused, then shook her head. She hadn't shared those feelings with anyone, and now wasn't the time. Instead she said, "Kurenai says it was a psychotic break. I am not who I was before, at least."

"That doesn't explain why you're here," Sasuke said flatly, the hint of a growl bubbling in his throat. "Who gives a shit about Naruto? He's dead." Heat flared in Hinata's chest.

"You give a shit about Naruto. That's part of why you're leaving, isn't it?"

"I'm going because there's nothing to gain by remaining in Konoha. I can find the power I need to kill my brother elsewhere."

"With Orochimaru?" He didn't reply to that, only stared some more. "I'm not here to stop you, Sasuke. I'm coming with you." She tightened her grip on the strap of the satchel slung across her shoulders, which he seemed to notice for the first time. "If what he said is true, if there's a way to bring him back, then I'm going to find out for myself."

"No." Sasuke turned as if that was the end to the conversation, beginning to walk down the path he had been before. Hinata followed, heedless of his desires. When he flickered and vanished from her sight, she activated her Byakugan on instinct. His speed was something to behold, but her eyes could challenge the fastest genin.

"Is that for you to decide?" she asked calmly, icily, pivoting and catching his hand before it could strike the back of her head. He actually looked surprised. He could have overpowered her, but instead he stood there, staring. Hinata felt the tug of a genjutsu and raised her other hand into a half-ram seal, disrupting her own chakra flow.

Sasuke lowered his hand after a few breaths, pulling free from her grip. He eyed her for another long moment, then turned to begin walking away again.

"We're leaving through the wicket. It was their job to take out the guards." That was all. She followed a step behind and to one side, close enough to stay within his peripheral vision, and far enough to keep an eye on him. Just because they shared a similar purpose didn't mean that she could trust him. He likely thought the same of her.

It was a simple task, exactly as Sasuke had indicated. The two sentries at the station – Kotetsu and Izumo, she guessed – were unconscious, made to seem asleep at their posts. No guards were visible on Konoha's high walls. Sasuke walked directly up to the wicket set beside the main gates, slid the bars from their brackets, and pulled it open without hesitating. Hinata followed, having made up her mind weeks ago. 'Anything' meant anything, even becoming a missing-nin.

"We have been waiting for you, Sasuke," a voice intoned in the dimness as Hinata and Sasuke topped a rise several kilometers from the village. "But . . . Who is this you bring?"

"She is coming to gain power from Orochimaru as well," he said as if it were the most obvious thing. "You can kill her if that's a problem." Hinata kept a shiver from running down her spine, meeting the strangers' scrutiny with all the indifference she had gained since Naruto's death.

"He did say that there may be a second," said the largest, a mountain of boy with a broad face. "But that they would have to prove their worth." Hinata swallowed despite her steeled resolve. But they didn't move to attack, which meant 'prove' implied something else. It wasn't difficult to figure out what. She had almost been kidnapped and killed as a child as a result of her 'worth'.

"Is this proof enough?" she asked, activating her Byakugan. The girl snorted, and the one with too many arms whistled.

"A Hyūga, is it?" the apparent leader said, a boy with grey hair and an extra head. These were a bizarre bunch. "Yes, I'm sure that Orochimaru will be glad to have you. Tayuya, you watch her; Jirōbō and Kidōmaru will be taking turns carrying the container."

"She won't need watching," Sasuke inserted, walking past the group as if he intended to lead. "You can take my word for it."

"Oh?" Tayuya purred, smirking. "Since when are you—?'

"He's in charge," Jirōbō said, turning to follow Sasuke. "Once he got here, he became the new leader. That's what Orochimaru said."

"Tsk, whatever."

They fell in behind Sasuke, leaving Hinata lagging behind and watching their retreat. Their actions were confusing and even erratic, but one thing was for certain: these shinobi worked for Orochimaru. If they intended to return to him, then that was where she would go.

Hinata didn't look back at Konoha; the village was her home no longer. Like Sasuke, she had nothing left to gain in that place. She had only one goal now: find out exactly what Orochimaru had meant that day in the Forest of Death. She would bring Naruto back even it meant abandoning her homeland and betraying those she had once considered friends.

In a way, she already had.

* * *

 **Acknowledgements:**

Energeia - lovely editing, and also not letting me reach one year without updates.


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